Wendy's Donald Buger Bell (part 1)

For two mortal men to combine three great restaurants was not going to be an easy task. The fast food conglomerates of Taco Bell, Wendy's and McDonald's had no idea what abomination was brewing.

After that startlingly dramatic introduction, we'll fill you in on a few of the details. We were going to do an All-Star Mash up, hoping that the combinations wouldn't mash up our insides. This was going to be a very starchy meal... but I digress.

First we went to Taco Bell to obtain the culinary heavyweight known as the 1/2 pound cheesy potato burrito. We included the Burrito Supreme for good measure, this was not needed but the smells were glorious. They emanated from the bags the grouchy, acne faced young man who hated his job handed to us. After he forgot a burrito and our sauces, I asked for them. He took his time. So i asked my esteemed associate "If he was ever going to give them to us." the young man must have heard me, because he all but threw them at us.

Poor form, misguided Taco Bell employee. Poor form. The more you try to get me to hate Taco Bell, the more you'll drive me back into her arms.

Next we went to McDonald's. We ordered two Large fries. We were starting to get hungry because of the glorious tasty smells. So we ordered two McDoubles for the road.

Last but certainly not least was Wendy's. She greeted us with a smile and those red pig tails she always wears to welcome weary, hunger stricken travelers like ourselves. We ordered a 10 piece nugget, 2 small chilies, and 2 junior bacon cheeseburgers.

At last our ingredients were ready! We scurried back to our food-place with our food-stuffs.



It was glorious to see such a holy union of flavors all in one place. Our forefathers would be proud! They would also be full -- full of proud! We didn't have a table at our current location, but improvised using Man Theory. I believe that Man Theory is a way of improvisation, albeit crude improvisation, but nonetheless it works!


We began transforming the flavors into an eclectic powerhouse!

To answer your question, yes, we were in an anti-gravity environment. This produces the richest and freshest flavors known to all man- and alien-kind. This was a moment that echoed through the halls of the universe.

I started my tasty trifecta of flavor, by unwrapping the thunderous 1/2 pound burrito, adding chili topping that with fries and nacho cheese. Then I moved on to the Junior Bacon Chee. I popped the top and put the unwrapped Burrito Supreme inside. Then piled Fries high on it, adding nacho cheese for good measure.

The fate of the remainder of the fries was to be made into the pinnacle of deliciousness: Chili cheese fries. I drizzled the rest of the chili on top, finished off the Nacho Cheese and I was ready to start trippin' in a dream-world of flavor!

This crowning achievement would make even the strong-hearted food connoisseur tremble.

I started in on my meal of thanksgiving. After I finished the burger, I knew I had made a grave miscalculation. It became more a point of pride to finish the burrito after that. I was not going to disappoint my favorite fast food chains! How could I? After they had faithfully provided me with great tasting food at half the effort!

No, I was determined to finish this. As i started in on the burrito, I got the sweats. It compared to sweats you get in a fairground port-a-potty in mid-August. You could try your best to get comfortable, but without any luck. The harder i pushed the more my body yelled for me to stop. My brain knew better -- bodies can't talk. I worked for what felt like most of the night. This was hard labor, of a delicious nature.

This heavyweight meal beat me. The flavor was too much for me and I consigned my defeat to the french fries that were left in their chili marinade.

I was a broken man for not being able to finish off my plate. Although it was a paper plate. Luckily, I would not have to pull off a Michel Lotito performance for dessert. That eased the pain of defeat a smidgen, but offered no solace.

Usually, by the time I die and close my eyes, i admit defeat. This challenge was one of those times. Fortunately for me my esteemed associate still had his plate to finish...

(To be continued...)

Mexican Farm Pizza

The camera couldn't capture all the flavor.

So I will tell you about it.

This pizza was a conglomerate of flavors. We thought that there were so many it might be gross, but we were wrong. It wasn't gross. It was more like making out with Mayor McCheese® except it was more delicious and less traumatic.

While picking out ingredients in the store Chris got the sudden tasty inspiration from going the Cordon Bleu route to the pizza route. Thats when our flavor round-up began. After we got pillows of course. A good pillow is always a good idea after a big meal.

THE RAW VERSION

After an extensive beating, we smashed the dough down flat.

It was only the size of a dime to begin with, the chicken was also raw.

Too bad our punches produced so much friction it cooked the chicken.

I was really looking forward to using a pan for a change.

We decided on mexican cheese, green chili pieces, olives and pepperoni. Oh and we got chicken and roasted garlic alfredo sauce.

This was a hot steaming pile of awesome. No words can really describe the tastiness, but it was tasty. The pizza crust wasn't cooperating so we beat it into submission with a series of karate kicks and punches. Don't worry, we were sanitary about it. Our kicks and punches moved so fast germs didn't have a chance to attach to us. In fact, we sanitized the air in between our fists and feet and the pizza crust.

I have Chuck Norris on speed dial to help in situations like these, but he would have round housed the dough so hard we'd have a bunch of wheat seeds -- what would we do with that? Eat a seed? We're not herbivores, greater predators eat animals like that. We wouldn't be able to accept the fate of an herbivore. We would eat the greater predators. And we did. I'm pretty sure pepperoni is Italian for Sabertooth Tiger.

The oven wasn't working, so we rubbed the pan until it went to temperature: a blistering 425 degrees. We should have gone higher, but Chris' apartment doesn't allow open flame. So we were required to vacate the premises for a period of time, until they cooled the building off with the Air Conditioning.

Here is the pizza after we were allowed back in:

It was the best Pizza either of us had ever tasted.

I would highly recommend this pizza to everyone within eyeshot of this. It was awesome. The only difficult thing to do was make the dough a circle. I dont know how they do it, but it was exhausting. Maybe we'll try baking it in a circle -- halfway -- and burn some cheese on, then put ingredients on to bake it the rest of the way for the second half. There are awesome possibilities.

The Steakle Creek Subito

SILVER MINE vs TACO BELL: who's better?

Why can't we just put our petty quarreling aside for a moment and just be friends? Anyway, with that aside, aside -- here's what I did.

I took the beauty and majesty of the Silver Mine Sub: Cripple Creek (Grilled Chicken Breast, Bacon, Provolone, Lettuce, Tomato, Ranch) and the Taco Bell Gordita Supreme (Warm, pillowy flatbread filled with seasoned steak, sour cream, shredded lettuce, a blend of three REAL cheeses [as opposed to the fake kind, i guess] – cheddar, pepper jack, and mozzarella – and diced tomatoes.) and I melded them in a Heavenly ballet suited for only the greatest of food connoisseurs. I was enough to make a grown man cry, and I did. It was beautiful.


A meal fit FOR TITANS! That is, because once you were finished, you felt like you were going to explode. It was surprisingly filling. The cripple creek and it's very crippling effect on hunger, is always very filling by itself. Then you add the delicious nacho-ness of the nacho cheese stake Gordita and you have yourself a feeling that somehow equates to post-Thanksgiving grubbery. That is to not be confused with rubbery, which is what happens when you try to eat a display sandwich from Silvermine.

I also tried this delectable sandwich with some of the hot sauce given to me as the Marine sitting behind me told war stories to impress the girl that he was with. They sounded more like stories i'd have from Scout Camp except with more words like "shooting" and "the" and "smart" -- as opposed to most Scout Camp stories that leave those words out. Especially the word "the" you can't tell a good Camp story with that word muckin' it all up.


Anyway, back to this meal of mammoth proportions!!

Yes fire sauce wrapper. This IS going to end with me eating you...

In fact, I almost didnt keep that cowering fire sauce wrappers delightful insight. I could hardly muscle down the second half of the cripple creek. Almost like that commercial where the guy gets kicked in the face by his chicken wing. Yeeeeess... it was pretty much the same.

So there I was, the sandwich kicking me in the face. I actually thought -- I SAID THOUGHT -- about saving the rest for leftovers. This meal was that monumental! It surprised me how filling it was after the first half of the sandwich. It was undeniably messy, I mean afterwords my fingers smelled like tacos and ranch. Which i am guessing is how Mexican ranches smell. What a delicious ranch to visit, as it were. Anyway, not surprising is how well the ranch and lettuce went together. I think there is some girly food with those ingredients. Anyway, what I loved most was the taste of the nacho cheese and the provolone, this was only amplified like a The Who concert when I tasted the chicken and the steak.

Even with that orchestra of flavor playing sweet hymns of love-a-byes as they went down my gullet, i still felt there was something missing. This is why i tried the hot sauce. It added, but it wasn't entirely what i was expecting. So if any of you have an idea, it'd be appreciated.

The best part about this meal is you can eat healthy and eat like crap at the same time!

Chili con Baconator

First, we started off by putting a croissant around a Hot Dog. We were going to just use triangles of dough, but we decided instead of pigs in a blanket, we'd do pigs in a comforter. This (we decided) would make our stomachs more "comforter."

While baking the comforted pigs, we got the bacon ready. They were diced into tiny little, magical bacon squares.

A small portion of the bacon grease was drained into the chili pot. This, we thought, would create a time warp of pork-on-pork deliciousness. Yes, we ALMOST traveled back in time.

While our pigs baked at a comfortable temperature, we prepared

the chili. We put some garlic powder in the chili and stirred it up with the bacon grease that we previously put in the pot.

We found that this created a non-kosher smorgasbord, that tantalized our taste-buds and tickled our senses. While we traveled through the space-time-continuum of flavor, we experienced a new found love for pork and chili.

Once everything was

cooked, baked, and fried to perfection, it was time to start packing all the flavor into one greatsy (great + tasty= greatsy) meal.

We added some sharp cheddar and some sour cream. This made this tasty treat practically irresistible.

What the oven gave birth to was this delicious plate-filling and belly satisfying awesomeness! I'd say that this is definitely a worth-while dinner-time entree.

Co-Authored by: Chris

The Meat Monster

New contributor:

Chris Bagwell

This four patty monstrosity is heart attack waiting to happen, forged in the deepest of the pits of the Mcdonald's dining room. This terrifying burger is made from one Mcdouble and one double quarter pounder, with cheese.

As far as food goes this is nothing short of towering the 2 smaller are put on either side of the two the of the larger patties to create a cradle of meat, for meat. If you are looking for flavor you can find it hiding in between the top and bottom buns of this burger. The best part is it doubles all the toppings most importantly the pickles, ramping up the pickely awesomeness from 2 thinly sliced classic dill chips up to 4!

"that's too many!" screams a small child sitting behind me.

All in all, this is one of the biggest and greatest things I have ever eaten. I recommend this to all who are looking for both a challenge and a tasty kickshaw (Yeah, it's a real word. Look it up.) that you try this. It is probably the closest thing to pure beef flavor that you will find, anywhere, especially Mcdonald's!